you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
