I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
