Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize