I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
