JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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