This is not my ceiling
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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