I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
