Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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