I heard we made out
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
