I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
