dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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