you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
