just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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