you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
