The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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