i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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