the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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