i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
