i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
