hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
