Do you still have your period?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I would ride that face into the sunset
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
