So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
