There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
