the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
