my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
