and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize