im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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