Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
