There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
