Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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