I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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