wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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