I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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