I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Green mimosas i think yes
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize