It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
