I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
