I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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