I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
