So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i love accidental penises.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
