Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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