Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
