Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we should paint friendship bongs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
