I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
