he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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