thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize