I met the friendliest cop last night
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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