My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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