ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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