I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
