peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
