She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
