I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
