Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
