3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
