Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There's even glitter on my cock...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
