He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
that may or may not have been my penis.
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