i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
