This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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