She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize