he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
