yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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