You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
