i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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