Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
