Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize