I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
