Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
