I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
