i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
