omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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