sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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