SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love accidental penises.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
