i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
