we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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