Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i love accidental penises.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
