i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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