there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
