Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
