jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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