She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
