Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
