So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
