"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
