'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
