I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
