when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
