my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize