Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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