I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
