Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize