Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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