youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
