He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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